In 2022, Actor Jonah Hill directed a Netflix documentary, Stutz, to share the value of life teaching and strategies from his therapist, Dr. Phill Stutz. His theory of ‘The String of Pearls’ inspired me profoundly, and I would love to share it with you today.
Stutz explained that each Pearl is an action we take in life, small or big. The string represents our life. Sometimes, you might find there is a little turd on each Pearl. Little turd means little poo (apologies for my language). It is imperfect. It doesn’t matter because each pearl shares the same value as the critical part of the string; the important identity is “I am the person that puts the next pearl on the string.” Each day, I add imperfect action to my life. I am the person who is accountable for my life.
I reflected on Stutz’s life lesson and wondered, “Am I the person who holds the string? Am I the person who adds the actions for each Pearl? Even though it was imperfect?”. Well, the truth is, many times in my life, I gave away the power of holding my string to others and allowed them to help me add my pearls to each chapter of my life.
When I graduated from High School, I wanted to study English Literature, but my parents made the decision for me because they said majoring in land economics was a promising career. After all, I could work for the government until I retired. My first boyfriend said, “If you study the same major in the same university as me, I cannot concentrate”. True story.
So, I let them control my string, not myself. I allowed them to decide for me and put the Pearl on my string. The result was that I hated studying all the subjects; it was painful sometimes to sit in class and learn something I was not truly passionate about. When I graduated, I ended up not becoming a land economist. I blamed them for wasting my five years choosing the wrong path for my future. I was lost and angry.
When someone else took over the power of decision-making, to be honest, at times, it seemed easy because it was scary to take action or make a bold decision for my life. When the string broke, you could blame others who took the string from you. “It’s all your fault; you made this happen. You made this decision for me.”
We all know the consequences when you give your power to someone else to design your life. You feel disempowered, discontented, and dissatisfied. Slowly, you began to live in a bubble of identity: ‘ I am not good enough to take the actions and make the decisions in my life’. And you began sabotaging yourself every time you needed to take action in your life, “No, I cannot make it!”, “I don’t know which action I should take?”
I learned this lesson hard until I committed to complete control, holding my string and going through each Pearl. Even though it was not perfect, each action I took was scary. Sometimes, I made mistakes and hit rock bottom. I step up and keep adding the following actions in my life as long as I keep moving forward and making life happen for me. As long as I am the person who holds the string and adds the next pearl. Today, I will ask you, “Are you the person who is holding the string or someone else? Are you the person who is adding the next pearl on the string or someone else?”
